Prayer

I had a sad experience tonight. Actually, I had a weekend full of sad experiences. This sadness is the kind of sadness that wells up inside you and makes you feel like you can't breathe. It's shocking really. It's like burning your hand on a hot pan when you forget that the pan is hot. It shocks you and angers you and hurts like crazy and then it just throbs for days.

I wonder if most Christians get it about prayer, about words, about the power of words. After tonight I think most don't. I hope I never have to hear these words again: "thank you for showing us favor", "we are so blessed", "you are going to do something huge", "please give us Christians in office", "please bless us", "I am so happy to be in a church that stands up for prayer", "God is going to do it". I am sure there are a few more that I don't remember but those are the ones that stood out.

It actually kind of makes me want to scream.

I didn't hear one prayer begging for mercy. If Christians really want to be Christians, we should start silently begging God for mercy, over and over again. We should pray it all day long. Pray for mercy and wisdom in our words and stories. Pray for mercy and pray to show mercy and don't stop because you can never have enough. Please God mercy.

My husband tell me that I am too judgmental. He doesn't really understand why I get so upset about things at church. He is much more easy going than I am and is good at accepting things for what they are, but he also doesn't have very high expectations.

I remind him often that having a broken heart is different than being judgmental. I ache for Christians at church. I also ache for the people that Christians isolate in the name of God and church. I am pretty sure that the burning and throbbing in my heart isn't going to heal very soon.