Church Sadness and Sleeping at Last

I keep having the same conversation over and over again. I don't go looking for it so it must mean something. I have been trying to decide where to put it, how to make sense of it and the sadness it brings me. I can't let it go and I can't shelve it either.

I wonder if people in the church, leaders more specifically, understand that people are leaving faith totally because of how things are in our churches. This is the discussion that I keep having. Am I having it again and again because no one else is listening? Where are the church leaders who are listening? Are they too busy running church and being Christians to listen, to feel the pulse of what's happening around them?

Something is happening in Christianity.  It's like people are waking up from a deep slumber. And when they wake up I hear them say the same things: "I just realized that none of it matters." "I don't think I believe in Christ at all." "What is the truth?" "Why have I been manipulated?" "I have decided I want freedom." "I am tired of people who aren't real." "I can see that it is just business and power."

Someone told me a story today about visiting a church. The pastor was preaching on being unsure. He asked the congregation to stand if they ever felt unsure in their faith. My dear one had the guts to stand up. The pastor called for the rest of the congregation to lay hands on her and pray for her.I find it deeply disturbing that she was the only one standing. I find it heart breaking that the solution was to single her out and pray for her "weakness". It seems like a gesture of love and faith to many Christians, but is it?

I do want to tell you about one of the most profound faith experiences I have had in a long time. I went to see this band with a dear friend a few weeks ago. The venue was an old church turned in to a coffee house with a free store/food pantry in the basement. The first thing my dear friend said to me was, "Why do all these college kids look so wholesome?" They didn't look wholesome to me exactly. There were lots of hipsters and a few dirties. There were lots of beards and tattoos and old lady loafers. They felt wholesome though. When the band played it was so beautiful that all I could do was stand a stare and breathe really slowly. The music was filled with glory, peace and hope. It meant something and everyone there knew it. Not one person said anything about being a Christian but the beauty of their art communicated it so profoundly. Everyone was happy to be there and everyone was happy. It was glorious.

Going to church the next morning left me feeling like I was missing something.